i read tonnes of customer reviews while compiling my
Christmas wish list this year. This sort of consumer
feedback, made possible by the Internet, theoretically
democratises retail in a way that previously wasn’t really
possible. Beforehand, we’d mostly choose a blender by which
brand we trusted. Brands still play a part (the Amazon bestsellers
in most categories are household names), but increasingly,
customers are prepared to take a punt on lesser-known names.
Kickstarter is a fine example. Although larger brands such as
Double Fine or MST3K attract the most investment, when it
comes to tech, there’s a Wild West of new and occasionally shady
names at which we can throw our money.
Take Shield Apparel, a company I hoped was a spoof but
appears to be genuine. It’s raking in tens of
thousands of pounds on Kickstarter for a tinfoil
hat. An actual tinfoil hat, disguised as a fleecy
beanie. The hat ‘protects’ the wearer from
‘electromagnetic smog’ caused by mobile
phones and Wi-Fi; as you know (because I’m
always banging on about it), this isn’t a real
thing. The Kickstarter page and accompanying video is written
in dodgy English and contains several of the red flags associated
with scams (and spoofs). With that in mind, here’s Tracy’s Handy
Guide To Knowing When Something Is A Rip-off
1. Does it solve a problem you didn’t know you had?
This is
usually the case for health products, such as the Shield hat. You
weren’t aware that your baby’s brain was being fried by the
microwave, but now that you do know, you’re going to need this
expensive gadget/pill/copper bracelet
2. Does it solve a problem everyone has?
A great example is ‘tired
all the time’. I bet you’re nodding because, yep, you’re tired all
the time. Me too. Everyone is. But if you buy this tablet, you’ll
have the energy of a rabbit
3. Does the marketing contain deliberately sciencey-sounding
jargon?
Beware of anything that claims to be ‘quantum’ unless
it’s from CERN. Likewise, ‘electromagnetic’ and ‘radiation’ are
scary words that don’t mean anything in the context of selling
you protective gear for ten quid
4. Is it a testable claim?
You don’t need to be a scientist to know
that some claims, such as ‘I am a wizard’ aren’t testable, while
other claims, such as ‘I can heal your broken leg with my hands’
are. The Shield hat bumph makes several testable claims, saying
it’s ‘antibacterial, antimicrobial, antiradiation, antiodor,
antistatic, and radar and infrared invisible’, but it doesn’t supply
any actual evidence to support them.
An antiradar hat will be useful for when I
want the illuminati to think I’m a headless
zombie though.
5. Is the writing poor quality?
This tip isn’t just
handy for identifying scammer emails (which
use bad grammar deliberately to weed out
smarter recipients). Any sincere company that makes a product
will employ professional copywriters and marketers to write
blurb for each regional territory.
‘We are here for the same reason like everyone else,’ declares
Shield Apparel. Okay then! That totally makes sense and I trust
you with my money and health!
6. Is the evidence independent?
Sometimes a product will give
citations, but when you dig a little further, the tests are funded
by commercial entities or even the retailers themselves
The Shield hat, in my opinion, falls afoul of advertising
standards and is unlikely to see the end of its campaign, but you
can always make your own with the leftover silver foil from your
Christmas dinner
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